Turmoil
by Elda Aranel
Summary: Kagome has finally had enough of her life. She goes into a short depression and comes to a conclusion. Songfic. Attempted suicide light stuff


Nothing violent. Lyrics are not mine; "My Immortal" is by Evanescence.

I do not own Inu-Yasha. So you cannot sue. (I'm broke anyway).

This is dedicated to my friend who tried to commit suicide Saturday February 21st, 2004. It was heartbreaking to me and all of her close friends.

"Turmoil"

Kagome sat on her bed, exhausted. It had been a relief to take a long, warm bath. Her dampened hair moistened her fluffy pillow. Despite this, however, her spirits weren't with her. Her face was damp not from water but from tears. She and Inuyasha had had another fight…again. Only this one was the worst one yet. Each word spoken held vicious amounts of venom, poisoning one another's heart. They fought for about half an hour straight. The others were at Kaede's while they were in the forest by the God Tree. Finally she ended up saying the worst words that any one could have said to the hanyou that would cause him to react the worse way. She mentioned his mother in a very unsubtle and painful way. He responded by backhanding her across the cheek…hard. A tense, heavy violence followed after that. She felt like dying right then and there. Guilt ate at her soul. His pained golden eyes bore into her very soul. Tears welled up in her chocolate eyes.

_I'm so tired of being here__  
Suppressed by all of my childish fears  
And if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave  
Because your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone  
  
_

Her cheek still stung. A faint bruise had formed as well. At school her friends kept bugging her about it and her 'arrogant, violent boyfriend'. They also bombarded her with the latest updates that didn't interest her in the very least, most of it being about Hojo. Her teachers were nagging her about tests and make up work. They hardly noticed how she never even paid attention in school anymore; it was like she had given up school. Her friends begged for her to go to the dance to which Hojo himself asked her out to. Inuyasha was getting more anxious as the journey for the Shikon jewel shards drew to a close. One the same day as the dance was Shippo's birthday and she was attempting to make it a special day for the kitsune. Not to mention Kaede was trying to cram in time to train Kagome to use her miko powers. And to top if all off, her mother had become engaged to a man whom Kagome didn't really know. The pressure and pain was too much for her to handle. The stress was so intense that is was draining her. Her headaches would throb for hours on end. All she felt like doing was curling up and dying. Heck, dying sounded like heaven to her.

_These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase__  
  
_

            While sitting in her room, on her bed, one night she started to reflect on everything. Tears were streaming down her face. She had just gotten into a fight with her mother involving her engagement. Thankfully, Souta, Grandpa, and the man weren't around. Souta was at a friend's while the two older men were out. Her mother was furious and said some things that she probably didn't mean. Heck, I think she meant every word, Kagome thought. Maybe I am worthless. Even Inuyasha said so. What do the others care? Maybe Sango, Miroku, and Shippo do but what about Eri, Ayumi, Yuka? They don't listen to a word I say anymore. It's all about Hojo. If I'm so worthless, why am I still walking? Why burden every else with my annoyance? Kagome sighed and stared out the window. The full moon was bright. The late night dew sparkled in its light. It hardly eased the emotional pain that consumed the girl.

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears__  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears__  
And I've held your hand through all of these years__  
But you still have all of me_

Sighing more deeply, Kagome lay down on her bed and sobbed herself to sleep. The next morning she woke up and packed her things for the feudal era. After school, Inuyasha was coming to get her. She skipped breakfast, noticing that the man was there and went straight to school. Throughout the day her friends refused to stop talking about guys, Hojo, and the upcoming dance. Instead of going to lunch, she spent lunchtime in the library working. The young miko didn't bother paying attention to her teachers' lectures and instructions. She trudged home, relieved to escape her friends for once. She passed the sacred tree, and stopped to gaze at it. Many memories, mostly painful ones, hit like a sharp knife in her chest. Who knows where he was or what he was doing; probably with Kikyo or pounding Shippo again. Kagome walked home.

_You used to captivate me  
By your resonating light  
But now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me  
  
_

Her mother and the man, Mr. Yomiha, were there. Souta was still at school while Grandpa was at the Shrine.

"Hello, honey, how was school?" her mother asked gently. Kagome ignored her and went up to her room. One her way up she called out, "I'm leaving in a few hours or so." She didn't wait for her mother's reply. _I've made up my mind, _she thought_. I want to end my pain and I will._ She wrote a note to her family and changed out of her school uniform. She pulled on a tight black shirt with a white dragon on the front and a pair of black jeans. She tied a pair of hiking boots onto her feet and brushed her hair. Suddenly she felt happy and relieved. She spent the next hour reading a book when Inuyasha came in.

"Ready to go?" he asked roughly. Kagome nodded and put on smile.

"Yup, let's get going," she said, a little too cheerfully. Inuyasha looked at her like she was not all there. Instead of asking, he picked up her pack and noticed it was lighter.

"So you're finally packing less stuff?" he asked rhetorically. She rolled her eyes and took her pack from him. She jumped on to his back and together they made for the well without being seen.

_These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase  
  
_

Once they came out of the other side of the well, Shippo tackled Kagome. The youkai exterminator and the monk came forth. Kirara was perched on Sango's shoulder.

"Ready to go, Lady Kagome?" Miroku asked calmly. She nodded avidly and they were off. She seemed a little distant yet cheerful to the others. They brushed to aside, thinking she had gotten over her fight with Inuyasha…again. She didn't say a word to the hanyou as they walked. By night fall everyone was tired and set up camp. Kagome didn't eat much either. Finally, after everyone had cleaned up, they settled in for the night. Inuyasha had found a low branch to sleep on and Shippo and Kirara were snuggled together neat Kagome. After a few hours, Kagome carefully rose from her blanket being carefully not to disturb the fire neko and the kitsune. Tiptoeing silently to her pack, she drew out a knife and walked out of the camp. Her foot kicked a rock and she froze suddenly. No one stirred. She mentally sighed and walked away quickly.

After a few minutes, she came to a clearing. The moon was starting to wane. Its silver light highlighted the flowers and the drifting pollen. The night was clear and the stars twinkled brightly. She stared at the knife for a long moment, trying to decide whether to take her breathe instantly or to let her breathe leave her slowly. Finally she held the knife to her heart. Right as she lifted the knife and began to plunge it towards her chest, a flash of red jumped out of the bushes and knocked Kagome to the ground. Inuyasha and Kagome wrestled on the ground for a moment before he wrenched the knife from her grasp. Throwing it far to the side, he sat up and knelt before the sobbing girl.

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I've held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have all of me_

"Why…d-d-did…you...s-stop…me?" she sobbed loudly. He grabbed her shoulders.

"Because I'm not stupid enough to let you kill yourself like that. What on Earth possessed you to think about doing that?" he scolded, shaking her gently as if to knock some sense into her. "You scared the shit out of me!" He pulled her into his firm embrace. After a little while she had stopped sobbing. They sat like that for a few moments. Finally they pulled apart.

"Kagome, tell me what's going on," he demanded softly. "Why would you kill yourself?"

"I…I didn't…I couldn't take the strain anymore. I wanted to end the pain. I feel life such a burden and like a worthless thing," she screamed. "I couldn't stand to see you with Kikyo or to see my mother marrying someone who's a stranger to me. I couldn't take my friends' pressure. I couldn't stand living like this anymore. I hate it! I hate feeling useless. I hurt from the pain of loving you, knowing I could never have your love. I don't want to feel it anymore. I don't care how. I just want it to stop!" She broke down sobbing hard to the point of choking on her tears. Inuyasha just stared at her in utter horror and shock. He put a hand to her chin and lifted her face to his.

"Kagome, you left before I could tell you something important," he said gently. "I don't love Kikyo anymore. She's dead. I can only avenge her death by destroying Naraku. I love you, Kagome. I love only you and no one else. I couldn't live with myself if something happened to you. I'm sorry for the pain I've caused you. I just want you to be at my side, to love me like I love you."

Kagome looked at him with teary eyes. "Do you mean that?"

The hanyou nodded and bent down and claimed her lips. The miko didn't pull away and instead kissed him back. When they pulled apart, they smiled and stood up.

"Aishiteru, Kagome," he said quietly.

"Aishiteru, Inuyasha," she replied with a smile. All her past thoughts vanished. Together, hand in hand, they walked back to the camp.

_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone__  
And though you're still with me__  
I've been alone all along  
  
_

Owari

Arigatou for reading minna-san!!! I had to let out some tension.__


End file.
